it’s over.

the most important decision of my life has been made. and it’s been made without me being in the room.

know what the worst part of it is?

i still don’t know what it is. the answer. i know the question.

“will i be a teacher in september and for the rest of my life?”

the answer is sealed.

i believe that decisions of this magnitude should be made with the doors open. but i am outvoted on that and it is behind closed doors that people speak.

but i spoke before the panel.

a group of people who believe that they are acting in the best interests of the school and, even more painfully, me.

i believe it may have been the most eloquent speech that i have ever given. and i managed not to cry until right at the end. not even the end of the speech but the end of the question period.

and i know that i did well because they asked the right questions.

now if they could just give the right answers.

i have no faith in these people.

but i have hope.

and i spoke well and i’m extremely convincing.

but can i shake off years of indoctrination and self-training in an hour?

i can only hope.

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