good morning, dear reader. i’m a little late, but that’s because it’s still friday, as far as i’m concerned. it’s almost morning and i am still wide, wide awake. that’s nothing new, i assure you, but tonight has been quite a time for me.

as you may already know, things have been both good and bad around here lately. one of my professors has decided that i am not good enough to continue in the education faculty and, as such, has decided to fail me in a required course. i have, of course, appealed this decision. the answer is still pending. christmas and new year’s have been tense, awaiting the result of whether i will, in fact, become a teacher or, conversely, be denied my only dream. i cannot speculate. i shall do that in a few days, once i have more information, post-resumption-of-class.

as a result, at least one of my very close friends, who knows how deeply i hold the ideal of being a teacher, became very frightened by the fact that it is falling apart before my eyes. more than one, i can guarantee. two, as a bare minimum. and almost two weeks ago, one of them informed the police, either directly or through the health services, that i was suicidal, resulting in what i would have to say was the most painful and frightening night of my life. i shall spare the general public the details but, just so you know, if you call the police and tell them that your friend is suicidal, please ensure that it is the case before doing so. they will come to that person’s house, drag them from it, handcuff them, bring them to hospital, and ensure that they are restrained for hours in a dangerous environment. it’s the law. i’m not saying that the police wanted to hurt me; far from it. they simply wanted to help. but i tell you again — do not do this lightly, as your friend may never forgive you for it.

in my case, i believe that friendship is the most important thing in life. if you are truly my friend, you will always be forgiven. i assure you, that is not an invitation to hurt me. if you want to hurt me, there is a good chance that you’re not my friend, anyway, so this doesn’t apply to you. and yes, indeed, i write papers this way, too.

i assume that this was done with the best of intentions. whomever was responsible for my subsequent pain and fear was simply trying to save my life. while i was not actually on the edge, about to kill myself, there was no way for them to be sure of that fact and i applaud the effort. for future reference, if i was ever to be in danger of killing myself imminently, which i do not predict to be the case, just so you know, i’d let you know. you wouldn’t have to guess. there’s something to this blatantness that i always get accused of that should come into play here.

that being said, it’s ok. it will take me a long time to recover from what happened, but it’s not the fault of anyone being malicious, only misguided. and that i can certainly forgive.

the first principle of friendship for me is trust. i believe that it is of paramount importance. i’m sure i will write more about this in the future, but let’s just leave it at that i think that it is vital for friends to tell each other everything of significance. that doesn’t mean that i need to know what time you got up in the morning today. or what you had for breakfast. or even who you slept with last night. what i’m getting at is that if it’s something that affects me, and you know it, and i don’t, you should tell me. and not when i ask. you should tell me when you realize that i don’t know and that i should. every time. and i don’t just mean this for me; i think this is the basic, fundamental truth for all friendship. if i know something that is important to you, i will tell you. immediately. you won’t have to pressure me, beat it out of me, beg, or ever wonder if i have told you everything. i have. period.

there’s a problem with this. ok, there are several. but the one that is important at the moment, early this morning, as dawn is creeping closer, is that i assume that all of my friends understand this. they don’t. i didn’t know that until a few hours ago. i have now discovered how the police were incited to come and take me away, temporarily. and i am displeased with the fact that it has taken almost two weeks for this information to be forthcoming. i don’t care why. and i’m not going to take anyone’s head off because of it. and i’m not going to throw away my friends because of it. but i am displeased. i trust my friends to the end of time; i don’t expect to be betrayed and i don’t expect to be lied to. my bad. i don’t know if i’m ever going to stop expecting it, now. but i can tell you that if i do, it will be a long time from now.

so you’ve had your daily dose of depressive friendship theory.

if you’re reading this at the moment, you either live a long way from here or you should be asleep. good night.

oh yes. tomorrow’s post shall be more uplifting. as if it could be anything else.